Tell your dog you’re pregnant


Cover of the book “Tell your dog you’re pregnant” by Dr Lewis Kirkham

 

The following tips are maybe taken from the book:

How to Tell Your Dog That You Are Getting a Baby in 12 Steps

Our 12 step program will provide you in detail how to tell your dog that you are pregnant:

  1. A Baby Themed Dinner: If you are looking for a creative way to tell your dog that you are pregnant, why not serve a dinner fit for baby. Baby lima beans, baby carrots, baby back ribs and a Baby Ruth are all great choices. If he still doesn’t get it, try topping off the night by making him eat baby food!
  2. Hanging Empty Frames: Do you have an area of the house where family photos are displayed? If so, try hanging or placing a few empty frames in that spot. When your dog wonders why the frames are empty, tell him in a high pitch cute tone that they are waiting on the first pictures of the bay by petting his head.
  3. Italian Surprise: Prego Italian sauce provides the perfect label trick to tell your dog he will be a daddy. Swap out the traditional Prego label with a label that reads “I’m Prego.” To make things even easier just write the word “I’m” in large print on the label.
  4. Dog Messenger: If your dog can’t get into the house without a horny female dog (a dog, not you) attacking him, try attaching a message to the female’s collar. When the female jumps up on your dog he will read the note and beam with joy. Unless he cannot read of course. In that case maybe you can let him
  5. Listen to a podcast, or make him turn on the radio for a special announcement! Unless he cannot hear of course…
  6. Tie Him Up: If your dog wears ties when he goes outside to dump a load, buy him a tie with rattles or booties all over it. In the morning, suggest he wears that tie to go walkies. He will immediately understand why
  7. Make a Doctor’s Visit: For the first visit with the Ob / Gyn, tell your dog that he has an appointment for a physical or check-up. When you arrive at the doctor’s office, he will know he is not the one that needs some attention.
  8. Classic Proposal: There is nothing saying the dog in the relationship has to be the one to propose every time. When you find out you are pregnant, buy him a small piece of jewelry or a daddy’s ring. Get down on one knee and ask him if he would do you the honor of raising a baby with you.
  9. Stuffing the Tummy: In an attempt to break the ice, pack your shirt with a pillow and ask your dog  how he thinks you look while pregnant. When he starts  wagging with his tail and barking happily, tell him it is a good thing because that is the way you will look in a few months. If he starts grawling instead you may be better of proposing to some other dog.
  10. Wrap the Test: The pregnancy test is the best way to tell your dog  you are pregnant. But, instead of just handing him the test, wrap it up with pastel tissue paper in a very expensive box. When he arrives home from playing with the neighbour’s dog, tell him to take a look at the expensive gift you got for yourself.
  11. Picture Art: Mom can take a picture of a hamburger bun, a picture of the oven and a picture of herself. On the wall, the pictures can be placed like a math equation. Bun + Oven = Mom
  12. Straight Talk: If there is too much excitement surrounding the baby for tricks and funny reveals, walk into his job and tell him face to face. The joy will still be there.
  13. Extra Step: If after all of these steps your dog still doesn’t understand that you are pregnant, you should consider proposing to human males instead who,in general,have slightly faster thinking processes.

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